Parental Involvement in Sports

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Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby loops » Thu Feb 28, 2008 2:56 pm

How much control should parents have over a basketball seaon, or any sport for that matter. This season I have noticed that parents are riding the refs for calls that they feel are wrong, even to the point of almost getting kicked out. Constantly riding the coaches if they feel that their kid isn't getting the playing time they feel they should have or the choices the coaching staff makes on defense and offense. What ever happened to the parents just being parents and supporting their home team? Do you think that this much parental involvement could lead to a loosing season or poor moral with the team?
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby ndhoopscoach » Thu Feb 28, 2008 3:19 pm

I think that parents have gotten way out of control, now-a-days. Have you looked around the state and noticed that the majority of coaches at a school have not been there very long, or they move around a lot? It is due to the facts that the parents run these coaches out. Parents have gotten to the point where all they seem to care about is their kid getting to be the star and not what happens to the team. And this problem is EVERYWHERE, not just class b schools, or smaller schools. It doesn't matter if the team is successful or unsuccessful, the parents are out there just giving it to the coaches. I have even heard of a coach who has had his own fans throw popcorn and garbage at him when he walked by the stands after a loss!
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby Eminence » Thu Feb 28, 2008 3:59 pm

Parents need to step back and look at their behavior. In the name of sports, we accept adults screaming unmentionable things about our kids. Sometimes we may know the adult and sometimes it's a complete stranger and alot of times it is the parent. Adults say things to officials as if they are not human beings. Adults say things to coaches that are extremely inappropriate.

Takes sports out of the equation and would we accept this behavior at a play or a concert??? Things that are said to Officials and Coaches, would we say the same things to a complete stranger at a store or to our fellow man at church? Sports have clouded our sense of morality.
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby ndhoopscoach » Thu Feb 28, 2008 4:07 pm

I agree totally with what was just said. I don't understand how adults and parents expect the students and athletes to hold a high standard when it comes to sportsmanship and behavior, but then act in the manor they do.
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby baseball » Thu Feb 28, 2008 4:10 pm

is your competative spirit brought out in sports or at church? you have to think of the situations when the parents do it. is it right? absolutely not. but its not like they are critisizing the father at church for picking the wrong hymm to sing like they do the coaches for picking the wrong play. i have played on both teams where the parents support the team and also teams where parents say give my kid the ball. tihs does rub off, we had a terrible season the year the parents wanted there kid to have the ball. suprisingly enough, the next season after them kids graduated we won the district and actually had fun doing it. games were not fun when u hear parents yelling pass the ball when one kid shoots but the second the ball is in the air going towards their kid (not even in their hands yet) they yell shoot.

parents need to sit down, shut up, watch the game, and support the team. leave the coaching to the coaches, reffing to the refs, and playing to the players. everyone knows the right call until they put on the suit and sit on the bench, or put on the stripes and put a whistle in their mouth.....
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby digger » Thu Feb 28, 2008 5:02 pm

Parents should have no control over the way that a coach operates his team. The school administrators are there for that. Parents should take concerns to the administration in cases where coaches are exhibiting inappropriate behavior, physically, verbally or mentally abusing players. With concerns over playing time, playing style, game decisions, strategy, etc., sit in the stands and be quiet. Talk about it at the bar or coffee shop all you want, that has always been done. Athletics are an extra-curricular, it's not for a grade. If you have classroom issues, by all means, go to the teacher, if your not happy with the basketball program, remember, your son or daughter doesn't have to play. I enjoy this ND Preps web site as much as the next guy, but it's very existence, points toward the overemphasis on sports at the high school (not to mention youth sports) level.
Too many parents think their star athlete is going on "to the next level", or at least has a right to showcase their talents at the high school level. Parents put kids through strength and speed programs, send kids to costly camps, spend money traveling with kids all over the country. (I did too, so I know of what I speak). They expect results for their investment. The net result is that in too many instances the focus is now on the "I" not on the "We". The emphasis is on the individual not the team. When parents live and die with how Johnny or Susie did in the last game, bad behavior is an unfortunate byproduct.
I love athletics, I think you should encourage your kids to strive to do their best, push themselves to achieve things that may seem unattainable, be the best teammate they can be, strive for individual and team goals. But remember, that ultimately parents should hope that these athletic experiences will translate to life lessons about setting goals, hard work, teamwork, sacrifice, that our children will carry into being successful members of society.
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby tellmeaboutit » Thu Feb 28, 2008 7:18 pm

I have coached and I have officiated both basketball and volleyball. I've had great parents to work with and I have had some real jerks. There is always two sides to the coin, its just that we always remember the bad, and I've had some bad. I think parents need to remember that sports is about the kids and not about them. Also, stepping in and making things easier or better for their child doesn't help the child in the long wrong. Eventually these kids will need to deal with "wrongs" on their own. What is a parent going to do? Follow them to college, to their first job?

As far as yelling at the officials.....it won't get you anywhere. Most officials get a kick out of it, and mark it down as one more story to tell at the next rules clinic. We don't try to screw up, and most of us aren't quick enough to intentionally favor one team over another. We just call it like we see it!
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby rep » Thu Feb 28, 2008 7:25 pm

tellmeaboutit wrote:I have coached and I have officiated both basketball and volleyball. I've had great parents to work with and I have had some real jerks. There is always two sides to the coin, its just that we always remember the bad, and I've had some bad. I think parents need to remember that sports is about the kids and not about them. Also, stepping in and making things easier or better for their child doesn't help the child in the long wrong. Eventually these kids will need to deal with "wrongs" on their own. What is a parent going to do? Follow them to college, to their first job?

As far as yelling at the officials.....it won't get you anywhere. Most officials get a kick out of it, and mark it down as one more story to tell at the next rules clinic. We don't try to screw up, and most of us aren't quick enough to intentionally favor one team over another. We just call it like we see it!


i think they are called helicopter parents or something like that...they are going with kids to job interviews and demand the kid always have things like a web cam on in their dorm room at college (i'm assuming because the parents are paying for tuition that entitles them to the kids' privacy or something...sounds like lunacy to me). i certainly won't paint all parents as jerks, but as far as the media is concerned, they understand where coaches are coming from when they are tired of dealing with parents.
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby baseball » Thu Feb 28, 2008 7:45 pm

i dont think the helicopter parents are the ones that follow them everywhere like to job interviews and make them get webcams and stuff....but more of the parents who are always looking out for them from a distance (like a helicopter in the air). i dont konw though and even so, where is the line drawn between being a helicopter parents and smothering your kid.
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby rep » Thu Feb 28, 2008 8:07 pm

baseball wrote:i dont think the helicopter parents are the ones that follow them everywhere like to job interviews and make them get webcams and stuff....but more of the parents who are always looking out for them from a distance (like a helicopter in the air). i dont konw though and even so, where is the line drawn between being a helicopter parents and smothering your kid.


could be...i thought they were helicopter parents because they were always hovering around. helicopters do so much anymore. they are a versatile craft...tough to say.
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby baseball » Thu Feb 28, 2008 8:24 pm

rep wrote:
baseball wrote:i dont think the helicopter parents are the ones that follow them everywhere like to job interviews and make them get webcams and stuff....but more of the parents who are always looking out for them from a distance (like a helicopter in the air). i dont konw though and even so, where is the line drawn between being a helicopter parents and smothering your kid.


could be...i thought they were helicopter parents because they were always hovering around. helicopters do so much anymore. they are a versatile craft...tough to say.


ill look into it....you just get back to watching the girls B, i'd hate to see you lose your job over helicopter parents....haha
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby rep » Thu Feb 28, 2008 8:27 pm

baseball wrote:
rep wrote:
baseball wrote:i dont think the helicopter parents are the ones that follow them everywhere like to job interviews and make them get webcams and stuff....but more of the parents who are always looking out for them from a distance (like a helicopter in the air). i dont konw though and even so, where is the line drawn between being a helicopter parents and smothering your kid.


could be...i thought they were helicopter parents because they were always hovering around. helicopters do so much anymore. they are a versatile craft...tough to say.


ill look into it....you just get back to watching the girls B, i'd hate to see you lose your job over helicopter parents....haha


no worries man...i'm back in my motel room, sipping a delightful carbinated beverage and waiting for my pizza to show up. story was sent hours ago and the bowman/new town tilt is on the telly. the job is safe and sound.
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby luvmy3gbb1wr » Thu Feb 28, 2008 8:39 pm

over by us, parental interference major..........one mother sits in the stands and keeps stats......will go into the coach and AD if the paper stats don't match and demand they be changed.......has done it for every game and year, her child has been varsity......also had a jv player, not getting a lot of time b/c she walked thru drills, didn't do the conditioning and would duck out when running was happening, so playing time reflected her effort....parent went ballistic on coach. lo and behold, child moves up to the front of the line for playing........sends what message to the kids busting their butts?
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby rep » Thu Feb 28, 2008 8:47 pm

that is ugly.

makes me curious why the coach would give in...you would think that would just cause all sorts of ripples on the team. and you think it would result in losses for the team because having a weak link like that on the starting 5 would be something other teams would exploit.
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby Baller » Thu Feb 28, 2008 9:09 pm

We make it very clear to parents to a MANDATORY parent meeting at the beginning of the season that playing time is a topic the off limits to talk about. If a parent has other issues that they want to talk about, they must make an appointment 24 hours after a game. When a parent comes in for a meeting, the player must also be present and there will be no talk of other players. The meeting is about that player and that player only. If parents cannot handle it, then their child does not have to play.
What makes this work is that the administration backs it up and if they get a call from a parent, they just tell them that playing time is nonnegotiable. If we didnt have the administration backing, it wouldnt work.
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby oneshot » Fri Feb 29, 2008 10:29 am

It seems to me that jealousy among parents is the driving force behind in-appropriate behavior...I am not a parent, but a high school sports fan...I try to be as objective as possible, and i see parents(especially dads) trying to live vicariously through their children...maybe to make up for their own in-adequacies back when they played, maybe because they can sit down at the coffee shop and stick out their chest a little farther than the next parent...whatever the reason, parents need to realize that high school sports, while important for developing teamwork and leadership skills, are still a game...Parents that interfere with kids' extra-curricular activities are not teaching them how to handle difficult situations they will face later in life...these kids are on the verge of adulthood, 95% of them will probably never play organized sports again after they graduate...Is it really worth badgering a coach, ref, or another parent over a h.s. game? I think not.
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby ndlionsfan » Fri Feb 29, 2008 11:24 am

oneshot wrote:It seems to me that jealousy among parents is the driving force behind in-appropriate behavior...I am not a parent, but a high school sports fan...I try to be as objective as possible, and i see parents(especially dads) trying to live vicariously through their children...maybe to make up for their own in-adequacies back when they played, maybe because they can sit down at the coffee shop and stick out their chest a little farther than the next parent...whatever the reason, parents need to realize that high school sports, while important for developing teamwork and leadership skills, are still a game...Parents that interfere with kids' extra-curricular activities are not teaching them how to handle difficult situations they will face later in life...these kids are on the verge of adulthood, 95% of them will probably never play organized sports again after they graduate...Is it really worth badgering a coach, ref, or another parent over a h.s. game? I think not.


You hit the nail on the head there!!
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby tellmeaboutit » Fri Feb 29, 2008 11:55 am

Moms can do the same thing as well. A great friend of mine, who has also coached and reffed, does it without even realizing it. Our school has the 24 hour rule as well. But like you said, it only works when administration backs the coaches and enforces the rule.
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby ndlionsfan » Fri Feb 29, 2008 12:08 pm

Baller wrote:We make it very clear to parents to a MANDATORY parent meeting at the beginning of the season that playing time is a topic the off limits to talk about. If a parent has other issues that they want to talk about, they must make an appointment 24 hours after a game. When a parent comes in for a meeting, the player must also be present and there will be no talk of other players. The meeting is about that player and that player only. If parents cannot handle it, then their child does not have to play.
What makes this work is that the administration backs it up and if they get a call from a parent, they just tell them that playing time is nonnegotiable. If we didnt have the administration backing, it wouldnt work.


You a very lucky to coach in that school Baller. I would never leave that job if it was mine. If the administration in all schools backed the coaches like they do in yours we'd have half the problems with parents that we do now. I've heard of some administrators getting after coaches if their son/daughter doesn't play enough. That's totally pathetic in my opinion. If one person should know better, it should be them.
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby scruffy » Fri Feb 29, 2008 6:08 pm

A friend of mine, who used to coach, says he would get back into the business if he could find an opening at an orphanage! : :lol:
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby baseball » Fri Feb 29, 2008 6:25 pm

scruffy wrote:A friend of mine, who used to coach, says he would get back into the business if he could find an opening at an orphanage! : :lol:


hahahahahaha...talk about a dream job
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby luvmy3gbb1wr » Mon Mar 03, 2008 9:33 pm

rep wrote:that is ugly.

makes me curious why the coach would give in...you would think that would just cause all sorts of ripples on the team. and you think it would result in losses for the team because having a weak link like that on the starting 5 would be something other teams would exploit.


has caused lots of problems........good numbers in the middle school, but the kids hit high school and bam, "i'm not playing" cuz they see what's happening and don't want the hassle....varsity/jv struggle for numbers...should the kids be more committed (i know some will say that :P ) but I see the kids point of view......who wants to deal with the crap?
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby north_border_eagles2106 » Wed Mar 05, 2008 3:23 pm

I think my aunt's philosophy on this subject is the best one I've heard. My senior year she drove down to Grafton and the Betty during districts and regionals to watch our games.

She refused to sit by my mom during the game because she doesn't like to sit by parents. She doesn't think parents should be allowed to watch their kids games live, they should be put into a room away from the gym and watch it on a TV.

Now her and I both know that there are plenty of well-behaved parents that are able to sit and watch the game and be civil to everyone involved. The problem is the ones that are bad make all the parents look bad. I've seen parents from every community I've played for/against act good and bad.

You don't notice the parents that are behaving because you can't hear them yelling at players on the floor, coaches, and most of all referees. Everyone has their beef with refs, it's not exactly a position where popularity is common. Like Will Smith says "Parents Just Don't Understand."
Last edited by north_border_eagles2106 on Fri Mar 07, 2008 12:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby champs0607 » Wed Mar 05, 2008 10:48 pm

ya at my school at the beginning of the year there is a parents meeting for the one's who's son/daughter is out for any sport. the principals, superintendant, and AD all talk and discuss about playing time, coaches decisions, and how they should b respected. and the sad thing is that none of this works. whether its at a basketball game, football, volleyball, etc. there are still parents fussing on how there kid doesn't play enuf or whatever it may be. its a sad thing to see and unfair to the kids who just wanna play the game they love
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Re: Parental Involvement in Sports

Postby BB11 » Thu Mar 06, 2008 4:25 pm

I think the main problem - and maybe I'm just stating the obvious - but I see parental problems more so in Basketball than any other sport - because
1. You can only have 5 on the floor at one time - FB 9 or 11 - Wrestling -ind. Track - ind. VB - 6 but they rotate almost everyone.

2. Everyone has played basketball at some level at sometime for the most part - so they all think that they are experts on the game. Not so much with FB or VB - because the casual fan doesn't understand all the rules and strategies of these sports.

Those are my 2 cents - I firmly believe that there is not another person on the planet that knows a team better than its own coach - so if they are doing something some way - that must be the best way for that team to be successful in the coaches view - More often than not - The coach is probably right.
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