Lucian Jude (Nina Topp)

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Lucian Jude (Nina Topp)

Postby mplsfan » Sun Jan 25, 2009 10:24 am

There were two wonderful articles in today's Bismarck Tribune (written by Cindy Peterson) on Nina Topp, now known as Lucian (Luke) Jude. This story is one of a life journey taken by an incredibly smart, accomplished and courageous person who also happpens to have been one of North Dakota's best past girls basketball players. I commend Cindy Peterson for taking this story on, and I commend Luke for letting it be told. Read it today at bismarcktribune.com . I'm sure opinions here will be varied but I hope the conversation will stay repectful.
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Re: Lucian Jude (Nina Topp)

Postby Baller » Sun Jan 25, 2009 12:46 pm

By CINDY PETERSON
Bismarck Tribune
Nina Topp lived the ideal life as a teenager.

She grew up on a farm near Grace City. She was a good student and a standout girls basketball player.

Little girls who followed basketball in the Grace City area probably idolized Topp for her talent, and some of her peers likely envied her.

In the fall of 1995, Topp led the Midkota Mustangs to their first Class B state championship with a victory over juggernaut Washburn at the Minot State Dome.

That same night, Topp brought home the most coveted individual award of the season, sharing North Dakota's Miss Basketball award with Katie Richards of Hope-Page and Lisa Maus of Hatton.

Known for her dazzling ballhandling skills, Topp was offered a full scholarship to play for Weber State, an NCAA Division I school in Utah that plays in the Big Sky Conference.

A state title. Individual accolades. A Division I scholarship. On the outside, Topp appeared to be living the dream. On the inside, she was a mess.

Topp started taking antidepressants when she entered high school. She stayed on them part way through graduate school.

"I couldn't put a finger on why I was so unhappy," Topp said. "I had a profound sadness. The antidepressants worked, so I could get through the day, but I was still lifeless."

Now, at 30 years old, Topp is full of life and is the happiest she's ever been.

But not as Nina Topp.

Topp was diagnosed with gender identity disorder and began a gender transition two years ago. She legally changed her name to Lucian "Luke" Jude.

Jude goes through hormone therapy and is starting to grow a goatee. He underwent a double mastectomy and a complete hysterectomy, a procedure that was done two months ago, which completed the transition.

Jude must get his hormone levels tested periodically so they don't become dangerous to his heart.

"For the first time, I have been happy with my life,"Jude said. "Now I'm clear on who I am. I don't identify as a man. I identify as Luke. I'm a lot happier."

After Midkota

Jude played basketball at Weber State for 1½ years before breaking a bone in his back, which ended his career. He earned a bachelor's degree in anthropology with minors in sociology and Asian studies. He then attended graduate school at Florida International and earned a master's degree in sociology. It was there where he started working at YES Institute, a non-profit educational organization that offers training on gender and orientation.

From there, Jude attended the doctoral program in sociology at Massachusetts-Amherst, where he studied for three years. Jude returned to Miami and is the director of communications for YES.

"The education at YES saved my life,"Jude says in a statement on the organization's Web site. "When I began my gender transition at 28 years old, I was excited but terrified. I knew I couldn't pretend any longer to be a woman, but I was confused and overwhelmed by the steps I had to take and by the messages I received from other people. YES helped me get clear that gender is a just a bunch of made-up meanings, which really set me free."

Confusion

Jude recalled being confused when he was a child. He used to run around his family's farm shirtless and wearing men's long underwear. His sister invited some friends to their farm and asked their mom to "make Nina put on a shirt. It's embarrassing."

"My mom told me to put on a shirt,"Jude said. "She said 'You're a girl. You're getting breasts.' I knew something was happening. I became conscious of my body and what it meant to other people. I didn't relate to anything girly at all. I didn't like girl stuff. Growing up, Ihad the freedom to do what I wanted and dress how I wanted."

Jude's mom, Sonja Holmes, accepted the fact her child was gay. Jude came out of the closet when he was a junior in college, which wasn't a shock to Holmes.

"That was pretty hard for me to deal with,"Holmes said. "You always hope for your kids to have what is normal and acceptable get married and have two-and-a-half children, and everything is great. But she didn't seem too settled there. She didn't seem to establish a relationship."

That set the table for the gender transition. Jude started his gender transition when he was living in Amherst. It wasn't an overnight decision.

"It was a gradual shift in consciousness,"Jude said. "About 2½ years ago I got uncomfortable with people calling me 'a girl' and 'she.' It was untolerable. I started to request to a couple close friends not to call me that. I wanted them to just start calling me 'a boy' and 'he,' and then I could see how that feels. As soon it was available to me, that was how I wanted to be seen in the world."

Jude knew that people wouldn't relate to him as a male with his female body.

"It seemed really freaky to alter my body,"Jude said. "It was a dark space in my life. I did a lot of research online to see what was possible and available to transition. That didn't help me a whole lot."

Choosing a name

Then Jude officially changed his name, which gave him documentation to reflect who he really was.

He picked the name Lucian because it means "bringer of light."

"Iwanted an 'n' in my name because everybody knew me as Nina,"Jude said.

He chose the last name Jude because he attends a yoga class with a woman called Jude, a name that appeals to him.

"The whole name (Nina Topp)seemed female,"Jude said. "I didn't want to be female.

"When I transitioned, I thought I would lose my whole family," he added. "Changing my last name was something I thought they would appreciate. They could be disassociated from me."

But Holmes wasn't about to desert her own child.

"My first emotion was disbelief," Holmes said. "After that, I don't know if I was just angry or hurt. I'm not really sure if you ever accept it. A mother's love is unconditional.

"I have trouble calling her Luke,"Holmes added. "I'm the only one who can call her Nina without getting reprimanded."

Telling the family

Since his parents are divorced, Jude unleashed the news about his transition separately in a letter.

"My dad was more vocal about his feelings, which I appreciated him letting me know where he was at with this," Jude said. "My mom came to visit me in Miami. It was very upsetting for her to see me and know what I was undertaking. She cried most of the visit."

Holmes' visits to Miami have been uncomfortable.

"It's difficult to go where she lives,"Holmes said. "It's a gay, transgender, lesbian community. I don't fit in well. I'm a little uncomfortable, but it's probably just me."

Jude found the most support with her grandmother on her mom's side, which helped his mom be more accepting.

"Iexpected her to say. 'I don't want anything to do with you,' " Jude said. "She said, 'You never have to be afraid of grandma. You have me no matter what.' I feel more authenticity and love with my mom and grandma than I ever have in my whole life. They still call me Nina. My dad is adjusting. I haven't seen him or my other grandparents since I started transitioning."

His sister in Pittsburgh has been supportive.

"At the start, I submitted to the fact that I was going to lose them,"Jude said. "It was horrifying. I felt empty not having any connectiveness with my upbringing. Hearing my family say, 'I love you' on the phone is a saving grace. I don't know if they know the impact it has on me."

Holmes has never seen her child more happy.

"She seems so happy and comfortable, and she's not depressed anymore," Holmes said. "To me, she's a responsible individual. She supports herself. She has a really good job. All of those things are positive. She's a very good writer and a very good communicator. She was just born into the wrong body. She was raised as a girl.

"I try to think of other families who have worse conditions,"Holmes added. "As long as she's responsible and happy, we shouldn't be disappointed. You don't always get what you want."

Through the Internet and social networking sites such as Facebook, some of Jude's high school friends have reconnected with him. He has visited North Dakota only two or three times since he graduated from Midkota, with the most recent visit being three years ago.

"Some friends from high school made the first move," Jude said. "One of my friends in my class contacted me via e-mail, and one of my older friends contacted me. They have all been supportive."

Challenges, gladness

One of the most challenging aspects for Jude has been dealing with the health care system. He has been denied health care by seven different doctors.

"A couple of them said they don't accept transgender patients,"Jude said. "With the others, I didn't get a clear answer."

Even though Jude is going through menopause and puberty at 30, there's been no second thoughts on the transition.

"It is like I'm experiencing life for the first time, with the sadness lifted,"Jude said. "I want to play in the world for the first time. This has given me life. I rather would have been dead than be related to as a woman a second longer."

Jude recently has been reconnected with his life in high school and with North Dakota basketball. His mom sent him a couple boxes of things she had been storing for him.

In one of the boxes was his Miss Basketball award.

"I have no where to put it in my studio apartment,"Jude said.

Winning the most coveted award is something Jude still likes to boast about.

"I mention it a couple times when I want to brag about my accomplishments," he said. "But outside of North Dakota, basketball isn't as such a big deal, especially high school basketball. In North Dakota it is the center of the world, which I loved being there, but it doesn't impress most people.

"Going along with that, there's the whole conversation about the transition, and I don't want to go there."
"I'm going to take my ball and go home!"
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Re: Lucian Jude (Nina Topp)

Postby Baller » Sun Jan 25, 2009 12:49 pm

I would like to apologize because I stopped a conversation about this a couple of months ago because I did not feel this was the place for Luke to be outed. Obviously I was wrong and he wants his story to be heard so that it can help other people. What an act of courage to go on the record in your hometown state knowing how conservative it can be. I hope that Luke's story can help other athletes out there dealing with gender identity issues.
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Re: Lucian Jude (Nina Topp)

Postby mplsfan » Sun Jan 25, 2009 1:06 pm

Baller, thanks for having a change of heart. I remember that this topic was deleted earlier this fall and it upset me at the time. I was hoping that with Cindy's article being published in the Tribune this would be seen as an appropriate forum for discussion. I was half expecting you to delete it again. Glad I was wrong. I know not every reader will share our openess to this topic but hope all will keep their comments respectful. The decisions that Luke has made about going forward with his life have not been made in haste. I hope comments here will be given at least a fraction of the thought that went into Lukes decisions before they are posted.
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Re: Lucian Jude (Nina Topp)

Postby rock83 » Sun Jan 25, 2009 1:18 pm

I dont really want to hear about this on a sports sight or sports pages. My child doesnt need to open the sports pages and see how this is so normal.
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Re: Lucian Jude (Nina Topp)

Postby Baller » Sun Jan 25, 2009 1:30 pm

Why? Your child might go to school with someone struggling with the same issues. Don't you want your child to grow up being tolerant of others differences? or do you want your child being sheltered from anything not seen as "normal". Define normal. Something that fits into your stereotypical vision of perfect. People are struggling with this sort of thing everyday and just because they are not like you does not make them abnormal.
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Re: Lucian Jude (Nina Topp)

Postby Batman » Sun Jan 25, 2009 4:40 pm

I agree that people shouldn't be passing any judgment on this site about these issues. But honestly I'd bet that most larger public schools, even in North Dakota, now have a Gay-Straight Alliance club right there that helps students deal with these issues on a personal level.
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Re: Lucian Jude (Nina Topp)

Postby mplsfan » Sun Jan 25, 2009 6:22 pm

Batman wrote:I agree that people shouldn't be passing any judgment on this site about these issues. But honestly I'd bet that most larger public schools, even in North Dakota, now have a Gay-Straight Alliance club right there that helps students deal with these issues on a personal level.


I'd like to believe that you are correct but I don't know. Can anyone out there confirm the existance of GSA's in the larger ND high schools? Even so that kind of support definitely isn't available to rural kids, which in ND is the majority of schools. For many people these aren't easy issues to talk about but they are real life issues and not going away. No sense putting one's head in the sand, they need to be talked about.
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Re: Lucian Jude (Nina Topp)

Postby Flip » Sun Jan 25, 2009 7:22 pm

Shouldn't this be in the Open Topics - Sports and Other Things forum?
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Re: Lucian Jude (Nina Topp)

Postby mplsfan » Sun Jan 25, 2009 7:49 pm

Flip wrote:Shouldn't this be in the Open Topics - Sports and Other Things forum?


Could be. I guess I originally posted it here because Nina Topp was a Class B girls BB player. If someone want's to move it, there is no objection from me.
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Re: Lucian Jude (Nina Topp)

Postby rock83 » Sun Jan 25, 2009 10:51 pm

Your right there isnt such a thing as normal any more and thats what is wrong with our society. Now its not ok to have this pushed in peoples faces. They can live there life but i dont think that the bismarck tribune should be focusing half the sports pages supporting it. There are alot of kids that are role models that we could have done stories on.
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Re: Lucian Jude (Nina Topp)

Postby The Schwab » Sun Jan 25, 2009 10:58 pm

rock83 wrote:Your right there isnt such a thing as normal any more and thats what is wrong with our society. Now its not ok to have this pushed in peoples faces. They can live there life but i dont think that the bismarck tribune should be focusing half the sports pages supporting it. There are alot of kids that are role models that we could have done stories on.


What is wrong with publishing this? One of the best athletes to come out of north dakota. I think Luke's actions are very nobel. He wasn't happy as Nina, so he made himself happy. And no one is "pushing" this in your face. If you don't like the article don't read it.
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Re: Lucian Jude (Nina Topp)

Postby Baller » Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:16 am

mplsfan wrote:
Batman wrote:I agree that people shouldn't be passing any judgment on this site about these issues. But honestly I'd bet that most larger public schools, even in North Dakota, now have a Gay-Straight Alliance club right there that helps students deal with these issues on a personal level.


I'd like to believe that you are correct but I don't know. Can anyone out there confirm the existance of GSA's in the larger ND high schools? Even so that kind of support definitely isn't available to rural kids, which in ND is the majority of schools. For many people these aren't easy issues to talk about but they are real life issues and not going away. No sense putting one's head in the sand, they need to be talked about.


I know that Fargo South has a GSA but that is all I know for sure. They have had a day of silence and some other functions in support of the GSA. I think that Bismarck has a GSA but I cannot say that for sure.
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Re: Lucian Jude (Nina Topp)

Postby ndsportsnut » Mon Jan 26, 2009 8:03 am

I am not going to pass judgement on whatever was ailing this person. Obviously he/she had problems. But ndpreps is ABSOLUTELY no place to put an article about somebody having a sex change that is living in a transvestite/gay community in Florida. I dont care if he/she was Miss/Mr. Basketball or not.

Start bashing me if you like, but I'm done with this topic. No amount of arguing is going to change my opinion about what I think if this. I'm gonna get back to talking about ND high school sports.
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Re: Lucian Jude (Nina Topp)

Postby rock83 » Mon Jan 26, 2009 11:25 am

ndsportsnut wrote:I am not going to pass judgement on whatever was ailing this person. Obviously he/she had problems. But ndpreps is ABSOLUTELY no place to put an article about somebody having a sex change that is living in a transvestite/gay community in Florida. I dont care if he/she was Miss/Mr. Basketball or not.

Start bashing me if you like, but I'm done with this topic. No amount of arguing is going to change my opinion about what I think if this. I'm gonna get back to talking about ND high school sports.


Agreed!
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Re: Lucian Jude (Nina Topp)

Postby mplsfan » Mon Jan 26, 2009 11:48 am

I disagree. Nina Topp was a prominent athlete in ND high school sports. This is a story that was in the sports section of the Bismarck Tribune and today it was in the Fargo Forum. I think this is absolutely one of the forums that is appropriate for discussion on this issue. I respect anyones wish to not be interested or to not take part in the discussion. I however disagree that this subject is inappropriate here.
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Re: Lucian Jude (Nina Topp)

Postby larrybird33 » Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:11 pm

I do think that it is an interesting story, but there isn't much of a sports angle to it. This is about a person struggling with his/her identity. Luke even says that he rarely reflects on his athletic career.

I don't think that North Dakota preps is the right place to discuss whether this person's alternative lifestyle is "right" or "wrong." This is a sports website, not a political or religious website. The Tribune and the Forum allow commentary on their articles. That might be a better place for comments.
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